Forever, it's been!

Well. Here we are.

So, lots to report! Almost a month ago, now, I took a trip to Chicago, where I had a fantastic time. The place was quite scenic (in terms of beautiful architecture, at least) and I have two regrets about the whole trip: 1) That I ate basically nothing all day the day I got there, then drank a lot of vodka that night and 2) that I did not bring a camera other than my crappy cel phone. I saw Dillinger Four and Scared of Chaka at the Bottom Lounge (phenomenal show!), we went to a show at the Second City (funny!), we checked out the Museum of Science and Industry (cool, but mostly kids stuff...although we DID pick up some astronaut ice cream...delicious) and I saw some great works of art at the Art Institute of Chicago. American Gothic by Grant Wood, Hopper's Nighthawks, the Seurat painting (you know, the one stared at by Alan Ruck in Ferris Bueller's Day Off... man am I cultured!) Oh, and of course I had some Chicago style pizza and hot dogs, and rode on the el. I think I wanna go back sometime...thanks to Heather for putting me up and putting up with me!

The following weekend, my friends Carolyn and Jason got married. I was a groomsman, which basically meant I had to dress up in a tux and stand up there while they got hitched. Hard work! Carolyn's father was the...er...father who performed the ceremony, which you could tell was a little...if not awkward, at least a little difficult, but in the most pleasant way. The ceremony was held in a tiny church in Montross, where she grew up and where I went to high school, and the reception was held on a platial estate, complete with a killer buffet, a string quartet, and all the champagne we could drink (and boy did we). So congrats to them, I know they'll be happy forever. Like that song. "Happy Together?" Yeah that's them.

Most recently, I've actually completed a script that I want to shoot. It's an 8-page exercise in irritation that I think shall be a hoot. I haven't finished "My Wife Mugsy" yet...I've got an ending, but I'm still mulling over how to get there from the point in the script I've gotten to so far...

Oh, God. I'm in a play, too! It's called The Nerd, if I haven't mentioned it, and it's going to be fantastic fun! We start tech rehearsals tomorrow. Fun with lights and sound!

LISTEN, THIS IS IMPORTANT

Item #1: Lucky Charms has got to be the world's most perfect food (fuck you, chiqita bananas!). I even like the non-marshmallow parts. It is the Champagne of Cereals (fuck you, Miller High Life!).

Item #2: The Office season 4 (I just finally got around to watching it) was fantastic overall. The first four 'hour' long episodes all felt a bit forced, but after that rocky start, I think the season was at the very least better than season 3, and almost as good as season 2. They really blended the goofy humor and the nail-biting awkwardness extremely well, especially in episodes like "The Dinner Party."

Item #3: I'm having fun playing music with Logan and Ryan. We need to get Chad and TJ up in there to rock out sometime. I want no less than seventeen people in this band! It will be a pop punk orchestra, damn it!

Item #4: It has come to my attention that none of the items on this list are important, nor should they be listened to. I will ask you to ignore the title of this post.

Item #5: I need a new desktop background. Robocop riding a unicorn got old...fast.

I'm so there....

Sleeping In

This morning (quote-unquote) I slept until 12:15 PM or so. I'll miss that.

Whatta Week

Whew. I hadn't planned on driving back and forth to Dahlgren every day this week...but I did.

I guess it was worth it. I will need all the money I can get for Chicago (I still may end up going to a payday loan place before I depart. I've worked hard and waited all summer for this trip--I'm gonna drink like a fish and tear Chicago UP!!!)

That reminds me...I'm supposed to make a list of shit to do while I'm there. I should do that. I would do the "Devil in the White City" tour, where they take you to murder sites of HH Holmes, The US's first serial killer, who operated during the World's Colombian Exposition in Chicago in 1893, but it's 30 bucks a person...and 30 bucks can buy a lot of drinks...

Anyway, I think it might be more fun to do an unofficial Ferris Bueller Tour. Sears tower. Art Museum. Find "Shermer" high school. Wrigley Field. Who knows.

JAY OH BEE

So yesterday I officially started a new job. Well...it's not really new. I did this for about five weeks at the beginning of this summer, and they called recently and asked me to do it again. $18.85/hr doing half the work I've been doing? Yes, thank you.

What I do, officially, is assist (along with a few other temps) in the testing of sattelite phones for the Marine Corps. I could tell you more, but I'd have to kill you.

No, only kidding, I couldn't kill you...but someone might kill me!

While the job is an extremely low energy affair, there's a lot of downtime (ie: while the full timers and government engineers figure out how the fuck the phones are supposed to work) which can make the hours drag on and on. I really should get a cel phone with internet capabilities. Also, I should bring a chair tomorrow...it gets pretty hot outside these days. When's that fall weather supposed to come in?

One more problem: the job's an hour away, and with me doing a play back in Richmond (and rehearsing monday-friday) and working at the store on weekends...it's a heckuva lot of driving.

So, in the end, it's not the greatest job in the world, but I could be doing worse. That's about as close to positive thinking as I can muster. Have a nice day. I need a nap.

Merrill Howard Kalin RIP

http://www.legacy.com/ChicagoTribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=112237897

I just heard early this morning from my friend and former roommate that Merrill Howard Kalin has, in fact, passed away. In June, at the age of 45. For those of you who don't know, Merrill was the star of his own public access cooking show that garnered a large following (let's admit it--for the wrong reasons) from the clips of it on YouTube.

I have to admit I watched the videos, puzzled at first...surely this was an early 80s SNL sketch...surely something would go horribly wrong. But no, Merrill cracks on and proceeds to cook what looks like a delicious chicken dinner. Along the way Merrill laughs, laments his fallen Jell-O mold (it was in there a long time, Merrill) and does impressions of his favorite clebrities. It was truly a magical thing to behold.

I'm going to Chicago in a couple of weeks (as I won't shut up about), and I had the faintest glimmer of hope that I might run into the man himself there. He was living in or around Palatine, Illinois, and while I have no idea how close that is to Chicago, there was still a warm fuzzy feeling that Mr. Kalin and I would be in the same state, at the very least.

If you can, try to find the entire video. YouTube has taken it down again and again, and I'm not a fan of all the cut-up versions (though I am intrigued by the "Lost Tapes" teaser...where is the rest of that footage?!) . The show is a delight from start to finish, and if you watch it, remember to laugh with Merrill, not at him. Hey, he looks like he's having a wonderful time. You will too.

So farewell, Merrill, and remember: never use a knife without an angel present...

So, yeah!

Well, I got a part in "The Nerd!" It's the lead role but not the title role, so I guess I'll be playing against type! I tell you it will be fun to have something to do again, after several months of relative inactivity. Hopefully I will hear back on that new (old) job in Dahlgren soon. The team leader from last time called me up and asked if I was interested in doing this temp job again (six weeks of testing satellite phones for the Marines at 18.85/hour? Yes, please.) and said it would be starting on Sept. 3. So if I play my cards right, I will be working in Dahlgren, rehearsing for a play, and working at the old FL one or two nights a week. Whew.

If that weren't enough, for some reason I'm getting the itch to do something animated (traditional hand drawn crap...)

Plus, I'm almost finished with a short film script that, while it's incredibly stupid, I'd really, really like to actually make...

whatta night!

Drinkin' gin, eating popsicles, and watchin' It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Is there a better way to spend the evening?

Yeah, there probably is, but the gin makes a strong case for itself.

Oh, how I've slacked!

Nine, no, ten days since my last post. Get it together, Shawn...

Anyway. Had today and have tomorrow off from work. Today, I installed an Air conditioner in my room. Now the temperatures outside will surely drop thirty degrees...

Saturday night, I made this:



I had written a goofy sci-fi script a few months ago, sort of in the vein of Starship Troopers, just in terms of melodrama and stupidity, and I'd planned to animate it using these Alien/Astronaut figurines that Chad & Deanna gave me last Christmas. I think I may still try to make this movie, but I'd need a better still camera...

Attempting (for the second time) to read Albert Camus' The Plague. I've gotten further this time, and I'm liking what I'm reading (for the most part...I don't know if it's a bad translation or what, but for a lot of Part 1, the character introductions were so slapdash and not fleshed out at all, and it seems at times to be operating on plot alone...but the more ponderous and "philisophical" points of the book really stand out...typical, I guess) but overall it isn't grabbing me the way The Stranger or to a lesser extent The Fall did. The cynic in me does love the idea of a modern outbreak of the Black Death, however.

Watched Capote again tonight. I would have sold this to Plan 9 a few days ago, when I was scrambling for rent money, but they passed on it. I'm kind of glad. This movie does a fantastic job of presenting you with a character so driven by his own desire for renown that he'll say and do anything to get it, and you don't necessarily end up rooting for him. You can see through all his bullshit so well that you almost feel sorry for the convicted murderers being taken advantage of, and the law enforcement trying to bring closure to this horrible case. In other words, you really come to understand Capote, even though you sympathize with everyone else he comes into contact with. The movie made me want to write more and read In Cold Blood again.

Shana moved out today. I don't know how I feel about that. Weird is my first reaction. Didn't know she was moving out, is all...

The Joys of Inactivity

"When are you gonna get off your ass and see how sick you are?"

I've come across hours and hours of Raymond and Peter recordings. They're different from the Shut Up Little Man CD (which features only snippets in comparison). The mp3s I've been listening to are uncut, long (sometimes overly long) stream of obscenities. It's the perfect thing for the sour, unproductive, misanthropic, itchy (see below) mood I've been in as of late.

I need to work on something...

Nature needs to know its place

Seriously? Poison Ivy? How the hell did I get this again? As a rule, I don't go outside unless it is positively necessary, and I never, ever touch anything green, even if it is positively necessary.

It's all good, I suppose. It gives me an excuse to abuse Benadryl for the next few days. Not only is it inhibiting the itchiness, but it's making me all loopy. The people at work think I'm high.

I must have this.

http://www.astrobasego.com/shirtoftheweek.html

disregard after saturday.

Disgruntled? You bet!

All week, corporate scum have descended on our store to tell us all we're doing a horrible job, boss us around, and chew us out for not saying 'hello' to people we wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.

Some bitch from home office gave my manager a hard time because I did not ignore my customer and shout hello to her. I seriously thought I was going to be nailed to a cross right there in the produce section.

It isn't implementation of new policy I object to, people are going to bitch about it, and I'll be one of them, sure, but its the thought that everything these people tell us is the most goddamned important thing in the world.

And finally, these people never fix a thing. They make everyone tense and they buzz about wondering whose ass they need to kiss to keep their job. This gets people to work, sure, but the mental toll...

Our store manager held a 'huddle' the other day and said our chain ranked 2nd in customer service behind wal-mart. He said it made him sick to his stomach. I had to stifle a laugh. Really? This shit keeps people up at night?

Then again...I am blogging about it. Jesus, I've become what I hate.

All right, seriously, I have a college degree. It's time to get a job I'm not ashamed of, or at least one that doesn't make me want to amass an arsenal of assault rifles.

I feel like I wanna die

So my mom turned 50 today. I ate way too much food and drank too much booze. It felt like there was lead in my stomach. Anyway:

Check out this moron. Apparently some stupid cartoon dishonors China. I think China has done a fairly good job dishonoring itself what with all the population problems and the goddam smog in Beijing. Oh yeah, way to go on human rights, too. China needs to kiss my ass.

And finally, I'd apparently make an awesome husband in the 1930s:

141 As a 1930s husband, I am Very Superior Take the test!

Cashew Butter

So I thought I would try some cashew butter today. I saw this at the store a while ago and thought: 'I love cashews...why shouldn't I love cashew butter?' So I buy the jar ($8) and take it home to try it out. Good, but definitely not worth eight dollars. For this price I should be able to just dump the shit in my gas tank and have it run my car for a month. At least I know I'll have some food there in the back of the cupboard for when I'm broke and can't afford to buy anything else...

I'd hoped to put some money away with this paycheck, even go on a little bender, but it's never enough is it? By the time I've paid off on some checks and things I owe people, I'll be lucky to have $15 to last me till next payday, which, incidentally is rent time. So I'll still be broke then, too. Hopefully I can work it out, because I really, really, want to go see Chicago. I feel that I have not traveled enough for a person my age. I'm getting pretty tired of Richmond and Virginia and the South in general. I need to visit some blue states. At the very least. Let's not even talk about me going abroad because the finances needed for that would just depress me.

Finally, tonight, while almost everyone I know is preparing to go see The Dark Knight at 12:01 am, I'm contemplating going to see Hancock. I've heard good and bad about it, I'm intrigued by the premise and the cast...AND I have a free pass from the time there was a tornado warning and the movie theater stopped Iron Man twenty minutes in...fuck it. I'm going. Night!

START THE BENDER EARLY

After a particularly harrowing day at work, I had a glass of whiskey and a pizza after I got home. Both the Jack Daniels and the Freschetta's four cheese pizza are treating me quite wonderfully, thank you. I want to feel like this ALL THE TIME!

Oh...this week

So I get paid on Wednesday and I don't have a single bill to pay until my NEXT payday. SO I'M GOING ON A FREAKIN' BENDER!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Nah, I've got to put away some of it for my trip to Chicago, and to pay back Chad for the fest...but after that...

...

I'M GOIN' ON A FREAKIN BENDER!!!

So much bull crap!

Currently re-reading Henry James' The Aspern Papers. I'm not usually that big on nineteenth century stuff, but that and The Turn of the Screw stand out for me as particularly great stories. I've had an idea I wanted to base on The Aspern Papers for a while now...

Tonight I've got to hunker down and work on that screenplay. I feel like such a gimp picking through a borrowed copy of The Screenwriter's Bible, but the book is helping simply by giving me lists of things to remember, especially about character. So far I have my "act one" in paragraph form and I think I will write out the rest of my story tonight. As the book says, I can always go back and change it later...

The New Obscenities

I'm feeling pretty unoriginal right now. I think I will invent, or post some recently invented swears. In no particular order:

dickface
fartfuck
asshole mangler
shitty titties
assnuts
dicknuts
pisscicles
shitsquirt
diarrhea dick
fucksmeller
wang dangler
cock shitter
pus guzzler

Ahh...that was filthy!

what the hell is this shit?

★ ★ ★ ★

^^^
what is that? I've never seen that shit in my life until a few weeks ago, now it's freaking all over the internet. I HATE SOME NERDS!!!

THE WRITING?

Is going well! Tonight I've come up with some good ideas. The kind of ideas that make me excited to be writing the thing. The kind of ideas that open up any number of possibilities!

Joey told me about a feature idea he wants me to write as well. I got nothin' for that so far. (Sorry!)

Also, when and if both of these scripts become too cumbersome, I've got two short horror-comedy scripts I want to write. FUN!

I slept until 2PM today.

Congratulate me! I'm a colossal failure! There should be de-inspirational greeting cards:

FRONT COVER: "You're HOW old?!"
INSIDE: "YOU FAIL AT STAYING YOUNG. JUST DIE ALREADY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA"

another:

FRONT COVER: "Feeling under the weather?"
INSIDE: "What do you expect with your piss-poor diet, lack of exercise, and staying up until 4am watching DVDs? Idiot. Fucking fat moron. Get well soon, shithead."

yet ANOTHER:

FRONT COVER: So You've Finally Graduated From College...
INSIDE: Way to do it like 3 years after most people your age. Oh, and have fun with all that unrepayable debt, dickface! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Boy, these are fun!

TRAVEL!

I'm planning a trip to Chicago to see my friend Heather and to see a couple of great bands. Also, to do some touristy shit while I'm in the windy city. It's in September, so hopefully the weather will be nice and cool.

The debate, though, is whether to fly or to drive. Flying right now is definitely the cheaper option, but I haven't been on a road trip in ages...Richmond to Chicago can be driven in a day. A LONG day, but, hey: Couldn't be any worse than the drive to Orlando...COULD IT?!

BATHROOM

I have the tiniest bathroom in the civilized world. I'd post a pic, but I can't be bothered. I worked 41 hours and 50 minutes this week. WOO HOO OVERTIME! WOO HOO HOLIDAY PAY! WOO HOO NOT BEING POOR FOR TWO WEEKS!

Nope. Terrible. Plan abandoned!

Welcome ta erff!!! *punch*

I think I'm going to get drunk at work today! WOO HOO AMERICA!!!

Let's see how well gin and Mountain Dew Voltage mix...Great, I'll bet!

Writing? A Screenplay?

I've fallen back on an old idea I had and I started to develop it a little last night. I started with character background and stuff, because I usually neglect that stuff and go straight to outlining. Even when I did finish that screenplay for class a few years ago, my focus was mainly on the structure...the act breakdown and all that jazz. This is a mistake. While I did finish a feature length script, and I felt that it was finely plotted, some of the dialogue and actions in the middle of act 2 and almost all of act 3 felt forced and hackneyed. Like everything happened to assure that the plot fell into place, rather than arising logically out of a sense of character. Still loved that ending, though.

This new script is completely different. It's a period piece (still a comedy, naturally), it will require a fair amount of research (ugh...I did some cursory research on the ol' wikipedia last night...but I'll have to go deeper than that. I may wait until I have a draft first...), but I feel confident now that I've got some of the motivations and themes down on paper. We'll see. I've got to start getting up earlier and just plain writing...

This is monday...er no, Wednesday

I honestly thought this was monday. Work gave me four days off to go to the Fest, then scheduled me for one day (the real monday), then gave me another day off. I should really start getting up in the morning and looking for a job. One that goes from 9-5, Mon-Fri, or some other reasonable time frame.

The way I'm living is for the birds. Poor birds, with bad credit.

BUT FOR HOW LONG?

Really? Another one of these? Honestly, how long will I keep this up? I'm going to try and write something here every single day...even if it's just one sentence. Or one word. Sure I am...

Well, Sunday I returned from the 2008 Insubordination Fest. I saw (or could've seen...I had to sit a few of them out) close to 60 poppunk bands from around the country/world. I enjoyed the hell out of it. The only things that could have made this a better experience were:

1) More money. I'm almost always broke, but this weekend I was especially strapped.
2) More booze. See #1.
3) Comfier shoes. Those Adidas shelltops weren't cutting it. I wished I had some big poofy vans or even some of those old school Reebok Pumps!

Fun story: Our hotel was about four blocks from Saturday's venue (the Fest was a three-day event in Baltimore, with a pre-show at the Ottobar on thurs, "day 1" at the Recher Theatre in Towson on fri, and "day 2" [the eliminator!] at a place called Sonar in Baltimore) so after a set by The Steinways one of my new favorite bands I was naturally sweaty and sweat upon from a good bout of mosh pitting, I decided to walk back to the room, change, chill, and maybe pour myself some scotch. So I get back, towel off, change, have a drink, flip through the channels, take off my shoes, and generally unwind. Then I notice the storm clouds and lightning outside. I then decide to head back, before the storm breaks. I get about a block away from the hotel before it starts to pour down rain. I arrive at the club, therefore, in nearly the same condition I left it. Hot, moist, and not in the fun sense of either of those adjectives.

I CAN'T WAIT TILL FEST 2009!!!