Congratulate me! I'm a colossal failure! There should be de-inspirational greeting cards:
FRONT COVER: "You're HOW old?!"
INSIDE: "YOU FAIL AT STAYING YOUNG. JUST DIE ALREADY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA"
another:
FRONT COVER: "Feeling under the weather?"
INSIDE: "What do you expect with your piss-poor diet, lack of exercise, and staying up until 4am watching DVDs? Idiot. Fucking fat moron. Get well soon, shithead."
yet ANOTHER:
FRONT COVER: So You've Finally Graduated From College...
INSIDE: Way to do it like 3 years after most people your age. Oh, and have fun with all that unrepayable debt, dickface! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Boy, these are fun!
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