Nature needs to know its place

Seriously? Poison Ivy? How the hell did I get this again? As a rule, I don't go outside unless it is positively necessary, and I never, ever touch anything green, even if it is positively necessary.

It's all good, I suppose. It gives me an excuse to abuse Benadryl for the next few days. Not only is it inhibiting the itchiness, but it's making me all loopy. The people at work think I'm high.

I must have this.

http://www.astrobasego.com/shirtoftheweek.html

disregard after saturday.

Disgruntled? You bet!

All week, corporate scum have descended on our store to tell us all we're doing a horrible job, boss us around, and chew us out for not saying 'hello' to people we wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.

Some bitch from home office gave my manager a hard time because I did not ignore my customer and shout hello to her. I seriously thought I was going to be nailed to a cross right there in the produce section.

It isn't implementation of new policy I object to, people are going to bitch about it, and I'll be one of them, sure, but its the thought that everything these people tell us is the most goddamned important thing in the world.

And finally, these people never fix a thing. They make everyone tense and they buzz about wondering whose ass they need to kiss to keep their job. This gets people to work, sure, but the mental toll...

Our store manager held a 'huddle' the other day and said our chain ranked 2nd in customer service behind wal-mart. He said it made him sick to his stomach. I had to stifle a laugh. Really? This shit keeps people up at night?

Then again...I am blogging about it. Jesus, I've become what I hate.

All right, seriously, I have a college degree. It's time to get a job I'm not ashamed of, or at least one that doesn't make me want to amass an arsenal of assault rifles.

I feel like I wanna die

So my mom turned 50 today. I ate way too much food and drank too much booze. It felt like there was lead in my stomach. Anyway:

Check out this moron. Apparently some stupid cartoon dishonors China. I think China has done a fairly good job dishonoring itself what with all the population problems and the goddam smog in Beijing. Oh yeah, way to go on human rights, too. China needs to kiss my ass.

And finally, I'd apparently make an awesome husband in the 1930s:

141 As a 1930s husband, I am Very Superior Take the test!

Cashew Butter

So I thought I would try some cashew butter today. I saw this at the store a while ago and thought: 'I love cashews...why shouldn't I love cashew butter?' So I buy the jar ($8) and take it home to try it out. Good, but definitely not worth eight dollars. For this price I should be able to just dump the shit in my gas tank and have it run my car for a month. At least I know I'll have some food there in the back of the cupboard for when I'm broke and can't afford to buy anything else...

I'd hoped to put some money away with this paycheck, even go on a little bender, but it's never enough is it? By the time I've paid off on some checks and things I owe people, I'll be lucky to have $15 to last me till next payday, which, incidentally is rent time. So I'll still be broke then, too. Hopefully I can work it out, because I really, really, want to go see Chicago. I feel that I have not traveled enough for a person my age. I'm getting pretty tired of Richmond and Virginia and the South in general. I need to visit some blue states. At the very least. Let's not even talk about me going abroad because the finances needed for that would just depress me.

Finally, tonight, while almost everyone I know is preparing to go see The Dark Knight at 12:01 am, I'm contemplating going to see Hancock. I've heard good and bad about it, I'm intrigued by the premise and the cast...AND I have a free pass from the time there was a tornado warning and the movie theater stopped Iron Man twenty minutes in...fuck it. I'm going. Night!

START THE BENDER EARLY

After a particularly harrowing day at work, I had a glass of whiskey and a pizza after I got home. Both the Jack Daniels and the Freschetta's four cheese pizza are treating me quite wonderfully, thank you. I want to feel like this ALL THE TIME!

Oh...this week

So I get paid on Wednesday and I don't have a single bill to pay until my NEXT payday. SO I'M GOING ON A FREAKIN' BENDER!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Nah, I've got to put away some of it for my trip to Chicago, and to pay back Chad for the fest...but after that...

...

I'M GOIN' ON A FREAKIN BENDER!!!

So much bull crap!

Currently re-reading Henry James' The Aspern Papers. I'm not usually that big on nineteenth century stuff, but that and The Turn of the Screw stand out for me as particularly great stories. I've had an idea I wanted to base on The Aspern Papers for a while now...

Tonight I've got to hunker down and work on that screenplay. I feel like such a gimp picking through a borrowed copy of The Screenwriter's Bible, but the book is helping simply by giving me lists of things to remember, especially about character. So far I have my "act one" in paragraph form and I think I will write out the rest of my story tonight. As the book says, I can always go back and change it later...

The New Obscenities

I'm feeling pretty unoriginal right now. I think I will invent, or post some recently invented swears. In no particular order:

dickface
fartfuck
asshole mangler
shitty titties
assnuts
dicknuts
pisscicles
shitsquirt
diarrhea dick
fucksmeller
wang dangler
cock shitter
pus guzzler

Ahh...that was filthy!

what the hell is this shit?

★ ★ ★ ★

^^^
what is that? I've never seen that shit in my life until a few weeks ago, now it's freaking all over the internet. I HATE SOME NERDS!!!

THE WRITING?

Is going well! Tonight I've come up with some good ideas. The kind of ideas that make me excited to be writing the thing. The kind of ideas that open up any number of possibilities!

Joey told me about a feature idea he wants me to write as well. I got nothin' for that so far. (Sorry!)

Also, when and if both of these scripts become too cumbersome, I've got two short horror-comedy scripts I want to write. FUN!

I slept until 2PM today.

Congratulate me! I'm a colossal failure! There should be de-inspirational greeting cards:

FRONT COVER: "You're HOW old?!"
INSIDE: "YOU FAIL AT STAYING YOUNG. JUST DIE ALREADY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA"

another:

FRONT COVER: "Feeling under the weather?"
INSIDE: "What do you expect with your piss-poor diet, lack of exercise, and staying up until 4am watching DVDs? Idiot. Fucking fat moron. Get well soon, shithead."

yet ANOTHER:

FRONT COVER: So You've Finally Graduated From College...
INSIDE: Way to do it like 3 years after most people your age. Oh, and have fun with all that unrepayable debt, dickface! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Boy, these are fun!

TRAVEL!

I'm planning a trip to Chicago to see my friend Heather and to see a couple of great bands. Also, to do some touristy shit while I'm in the windy city. It's in September, so hopefully the weather will be nice and cool.

The debate, though, is whether to fly or to drive. Flying right now is definitely the cheaper option, but I haven't been on a road trip in ages...Richmond to Chicago can be driven in a day. A LONG day, but, hey: Couldn't be any worse than the drive to Orlando...COULD IT?!

BATHROOM

I have the tiniest bathroom in the civilized world. I'd post a pic, but I can't be bothered. I worked 41 hours and 50 minutes this week. WOO HOO OVERTIME! WOO HOO HOLIDAY PAY! WOO HOO NOT BEING POOR FOR TWO WEEKS!

Nope. Terrible. Plan abandoned!

Welcome ta erff!!! *punch*

I think I'm going to get drunk at work today! WOO HOO AMERICA!!!

Let's see how well gin and Mountain Dew Voltage mix...Great, I'll bet!

Writing? A Screenplay?

I've fallen back on an old idea I had and I started to develop it a little last night. I started with character background and stuff, because I usually neglect that stuff and go straight to outlining. Even when I did finish that screenplay for class a few years ago, my focus was mainly on the structure...the act breakdown and all that jazz. This is a mistake. While I did finish a feature length script, and I felt that it was finely plotted, some of the dialogue and actions in the middle of act 2 and almost all of act 3 felt forced and hackneyed. Like everything happened to assure that the plot fell into place, rather than arising logically out of a sense of character. Still loved that ending, though.

This new script is completely different. It's a period piece (still a comedy, naturally), it will require a fair amount of research (ugh...I did some cursory research on the ol' wikipedia last night...but I'll have to go deeper than that. I may wait until I have a draft first...), but I feel confident now that I've got some of the motivations and themes down on paper. We'll see. I've got to start getting up earlier and just plain writing...

This is monday...er no, Wednesday

I honestly thought this was monday. Work gave me four days off to go to the Fest, then scheduled me for one day (the real monday), then gave me another day off. I should really start getting up in the morning and looking for a job. One that goes from 9-5, Mon-Fri, or some other reasonable time frame.

The way I'm living is for the birds. Poor birds, with bad credit.

BUT FOR HOW LONG?

Really? Another one of these? Honestly, how long will I keep this up? I'm going to try and write something here every single day...even if it's just one sentence. Or one word. Sure I am...

Well, Sunday I returned from the 2008 Insubordination Fest. I saw (or could've seen...I had to sit a few of them out) close to 60 poppunk bands from around the country/world. I enjoyed the hell out of it. The only things that could have made this a better experience were:

1) More money. I'm almost always broke, but this weekend I was especially strapped.
2) More booze. See #1.
3) Comfier shoes. Those Adidas shelltops weren't cutting it. I wished I had some big poofy vans or even some of those old school Reebok Pumps!

Fun story: Our hotel was about four blocks from Saturday's venue (the Fest was a three-day event in Baltimore, with a pre-show at the Ottobar on thurs, "day 1" at the Recher Theatre in Towson on fri, and "day 2" [the eliminator!] at a place called Sonar in Baltimore) so after a set by The Steinways one of my new favorite bands I was naturally sweaty and sweat upon from a good bout of mosh pitting, I decided to walk back to the room, change, chill, and maybe pour myself some scotch. So I get back, towel off, change, have a drink, flip through the channels, take off my shoes, and generally unwind. Then I notice the storm clouds and lightning outside. I then decide to head back, before the storm breaks. I get about a block away from the hotel before it starts to pour down rain. I arrive at the club, therefore, in nearly the same condition I left it. Hot, moist, and not in the fun sense of either of those adjectives.

I CAN'T WAIT TILL FEST 2009!!!